Another Placement

Since last summer I have had a few possible placements that I either turned down or did not end up working out.  This last call was for a 10 year-old girl who was in immediate need of a new foster home.  They were thinking that she would need to stay with me for about a year before they would be able to find a permanent adoptive home.  The decision making process has gotten a bit easier, I took about a day to think about, realizing that I don't want to commit to staying in Chicago for another year.  I'm ready to move on, to explore new places.  Part of the reason I knew I didn't want to be an adoptive parent is because I don't want that kind of lifetime commitment at this point in my life.  There is still so much for me to explore in life outside of parenthood.

They called back within the week.  They had obtained placement for the girl, but they won't be able to take her until the middle of March.  They asked that I take her for just 3-4 weeks.  It's been about a week and a half now that she has been living with me.  I'm not sure what all the factors are, but it feels a bit easier this second time around than the first.  Perhaps, part of it is me just being a little more prepared, more aware of what to expect.  But I think another piece of it is on her end of things.  Her case worker is more attentive.  It is during the school year and she is still attending the same school where she has connections.  And she's a girl.  All this time I'd been thinking boys would be easier.  But she's so much more vocal and willing to talk about things.  Her moods are more straight forward and predictable.

As much as single parenthood totally changes my life, there are parts of it that I'm liking.  When I was doing my internship in a residential treatment facility, I felt like what I really wanted was to be those kids' parent rather than their therapist.  This second placement is validating that desire.  It's so much more natural being the parent rather than the contrived therapist role.  We do things on her time naturally rather than it being forced into a weekly hour long session.  Within the first week, her stuff was already coming up in her play with me while as a therapist it would have probably taken several weeks for it to surface.

When I'd had the last placement, I'd felt jealous of the respite worker, but really the role of foster parent is just so much more valuable.  The foster parent sees the child daily, experiences real life, the ins and outs of daily experiences.  Granted I still felt a little jealous this past weekend.  My foster daughter spent the weekend with her new family.  I have to spend the week with her, do the hard stuff, enforce bedtime and struggle through homework.  But then she gets to do the fun stuff over the weekend and I become the bad guy.

I suppose that was very similar to my own experiences after my parents divorced.  I loved going with my dad on the weekend but the day to day with my mom were a struggle.  This whole parenthood thing makes me reflect and have more respect for my own parents.  Parenthood is a sacrifice that I'm not sure why so many people make.  Maybe I've just been single so long that I've grown accustomed to my freedom.  As a parent, 18 years of your life are dedicated to those other beings.  You do things for them and your world is centered around them, taking them from one activity to the next, watching their television shows, their music, doing things that are interesting for them.  Perhaps that's one of the reasons my father has had such difficulty finding himself after we were grown.  After those 18 years, it's over and it leaves behind a gap in your life.  The young adult really has no concept of the sacrifices you made all those years and you have to reestablish new interests to fill the gap.  Perhaps the rewards are worth it.